Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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