someone threw a dead crab at me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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