i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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