Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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