wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She told me I should be a condom model.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
