please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
