I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize