Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
