So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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