she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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