Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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