At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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