marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
