You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
