You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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