you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
