we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize