he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
