One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
