Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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