I think I died a long time ago.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
this boner is exhausting
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
