it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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