theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
