If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
