Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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