there's paper in my vomit.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize