Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
