Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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