Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You made out with two different species that night
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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