you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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