Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
