Soap is not a condiment
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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