What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize