I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She needs sedatives and a leash
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
