I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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