I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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