Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize