I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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