Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
