I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize