I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
