i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize