we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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