I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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