can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
