I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
