working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
