The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm passing your future prison.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
