guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
