I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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