It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
