you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
