Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize