ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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