So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize