i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
