I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They have beer where we have blood.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
