Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize